Gross

Disclaimer: The following account is highly graphic and disturbing. Strong language is used. Pregnant ladies, children, those above age of 65 and those with heart problems, please STOP HERE. Do not continue reading... Forgive me for the medical jargon too, as it is indeed too near MBBS

***

"SHIT," I thought in my heart as i entered the lift.

NO I AM NOT SWEARING. I am only describing what I saw...

The day started off as usual, but little did i expect it to be a black gold day. I left my house in a dreamy state, but as i approached the staircase, i nearly stepped on the 2 small finger sized piece of black, dryish poo. My heart raced and adrenaline was released almost immediately, as I managed to open my eyes and react in time to pull my leg away. Phew! "Ok, nothing much, cool. Must be the neighbour's dog. He'd clean it off later," I thought.

So i resumed my sleepy state and walked slowly towards the corridor, towards the lift. The lift door opened, i proptosed. (eyes popped out) I nearly became thyrotoxic. My eyes had opthalmoplegia for i could not take them off those things and i was no longer sleepy. I tiptoed into the lift, making sure i don't land my precious shoes on any of those THINGS.

I can think of several reasons why i went into the lift anyway.
(1) rushing for time
(2) well, ok, I AM immune actually. I mean i've seen more bodily discharge and waste in the hospital for the past 3 years. the smell wasn't as bad as malaena and i guess my allergic rhinitis finally helped me.
(3) It was really interesting. Had i not been on the phone with my brother, I'd have an OSSE picture for future med students...

So short case on those THINGS:
There were at least 10 of them strewn over the floor, arranged in an irregular, haphazard manner, but of a general circumferential shape. I'm sorry examiner I didn't count exactly how many were there, as it was generalised, all over the floor. All were discrete lumps except for 2 which coalesced and was on top of each other. The largest estimated to be about 15 cm in length, 2-3cm in diameter, cylindrical in shape, brown colour, (not pale and not black, sticky) and no blood on top of or mixed with them. Generally, they're of the same calibre and size as mine, or even bigger. I do agree that it might not seem very professional to use a personal reference BUT i have to determine the ORIGIN of these lumps. It is likely to be from a fellow homo sapien.

A further diagnostic point is that these lumps were surprisingly not all heaped in one pile but found discretely.

The lumps (inferred) were firm in consistency (as they had a fixed shape, size and volume) with no surrounding fluid discharge.

Diagnoses I can infer in this homo sapien:
1) Healthy - no gastrointestinal bleeding, no obstructive jaundice, no gastroenteritis
2) Good nutrition - there were at least 10 lumps, so i guess he had a big meal the night before.

I would like to complete my examination with a psychiatric assessment and geriatric assessment to rule out any incontinence or dementia.

Do not ask me further questions, my dear examiner, I am incapable of answering you for I CANNOT COMPREHEND WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING IN THE LIFT! It has to be intentional for I do not know of any individual who'd move his buttocks over several areas to deposit those lumps, instead of just staying in one position.

***

It really bothered me, not because the nature of the lumps but what is really happening in my block of flats. This is not the first time there are faeces in the lift, albeit this IS the most massive and major attempt. There has also been an increasing number of times when early in the morning i use the lift, there is a puddle of URINE in the lift. (And it is always in the morning!)

I really sympathise with the cleaner. I really don't know how he can take it. He is the foreever cheery kind of person, always so friendly. He brightens us up every morning as he greets everyone he meets with a chirpy "Good Morning!" I dared not ask him about the urine and the faeces. Oh man, he must be hating his job. In fact, he has been demoted to be a toilet flusher. Somebody actually treats him as the toilet!!!! Oh man! Even the cheeriest person can become depressed! COS IT IS NOT JUST ONCE BUT CHRONIC RECURRENCE.

***

So I posed this question to my family and ended up in a heated debate.

"WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU PRESS THE LIFT BUTTON AND YOU SEE SOMEONE DEFAECATING IN FRONT OF YOU?"

Someone said, "what can you do, just treat as you never see and walk away" I was like "WHAT???"
"it'd be worse if you get involved and he gets crazy and punch you or worse still throw faeces at you right?"
!@#$%^&*((*&^%$#@@............

Another one said, "that is the same as a flasher la! of course i'd scream and shout molest or something"
erps. ok.

So, what would YOU do?

Social justice, yes or no?

But seriously, what can you really do? I don't think the police should be used for such crap unless it really gets above the threshold level. The town council won't be able to help. The cleaner has no choice but to continue clearing.

SIGH

But hmmm I guess I'd be loss for words, then ask him why he does that and ask him not to do it again, for everyone's sake. But if he can do such a thing, will he listen to you???

SIGH

But i guess things would be different if they looked like this:

Choices

I'm not sure whether it is "giving up" or truly "peace" or not even having the sense of emergency for impending doom.

I guess its peace. There are many things i dunno and there are many things i forget. Yes, and I don't think I profess to become smart overnight. So I just have to make do with what I have ie me and my brain and leave everything else to Him.

Truly, whenever I tell others that I'm not that smart, they dun believe me. I guess its a matter of comparison. I came in knowing i do not have the perfect memory and would be much better off doing something else and not struggling like this. Yet, I chose this. Ask me whether I want to remove my feet from this? I guess I'm too far in the mud to lift off my legs and run off somewhere else... Don't know whether I made the right decision initially but now I'm stuck with this decision. Many times I tot I might really be happier and better off doing something else. I'd have more time to do the things i really love, to spend time with God etc etc.

Yet, I guess this is the path He wants me to take, for whatever reason. So I just trust that He will provide me with the necessary to fulfill this. Learning to trust Him and not give up.

Maybe all these comes out when you're feeling groggy and doped from the antihistamines. having slept for the past nearly 24 hours due to this irritating nose and aches makes you even more groggy.

How I wish my brain had terabytes of space. gigabytes already enuf. My comp stores so many things from M1 to M5 and its enough. My comp has so many images, algorithms and its so easily retrievable. I hope my brain is able too...

***

Sharing - sharing with someone from the same background makes it easier. Yet, sharing to someone from a different background keeps you in check and not let you go into the comfort zone.

***

Hmmm so what shall be my choices?

Commitment, CNY

Sunday's service touched on evangelism, to be the labourers of God, for the harvest is ripe. Guess the song "From Ashes to Beauty" by The Vine Band, which we sang on that day epitomizes the whole message.

Overwhelmed actually, not sure how to put it across. But just wanted to share the song with everyone... :P

Happy Chinese New Year! Wasted the entire weekend. Promised myself to study, in the end, couldn't really do it and just gave up and went visiting despite telling myself i won't go visiting much this year... I guess... cos its tradition? And probably the last proper CNY before work starts. Come to think of it, when work starts, I'm sure one of the 3 days (reunion dinner, CNY1 or CNY2) or if not more, will be spent @ the workplace. So yups, giving myself some slack this time round. But the happiest CNY i've ever had was last year's! Post-exam CNY! Play like i never did. Had full interaction with my cousins! Ha, but this year, didn't really have the mood to mix around...

Whatever, Geri's next, then Ortho and MBBS in 6 weeks!

Mixed mix mixing!

Haven been posting alot these days... The reason's obvious. Less than 2 months to IT. Feelings are mixed, stress is mixed, peace is mixed. Even the mood is wrong. Drawing close to Him and then moving away... the cycle goes on. Find it difficult, but i guess i have to try. How to be like Jesus in the midst of all these things. Of course, Jesus wouldn't have needed to study medicine, but i guess is the approach, yah?

Got lots of encouragement these days, yet sometimes being torn apart by these. Hmmm shall post more when i really have the time... Am typing this when my eyes are seeing double... yes, all cos the strabismus comes whenever i'm tired or not actively controlling it! (Ha just realised this strabismus has been with me for so long that I dun find it a "disease" etc, like one that needs healing by Him kind. Which shouldn't be the case! haha)

Interesting

k the 1st part is crap. anw, i realised that yesterday was the 12th day of Christmas! (yes, as the song sings... haha ya i know there's no such thing... but still...) Ha didn't realise ne! And its was my fren's bday! So every year he is celebrating his birthday and the last day of "Christmas" together!!! How cool rite! haha and today's the 13th... well yes i told you its crap...

but oh wells, here's a simple but rather nice video. Just wanna share!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

(the following are but my own humble opinion, I may be wrong)

What does this day mean to you?

In my own opinion and going in terms of descending number of people:

Public Holiday
Post-party
Party
Spending time with family and friends
Exchanging presents
Fun
Year End break
Love
Love of God
Reflection of the year’s events and getting right with God

It is the one of the few public holidays that almost everyone celebrates (after New Year I guess). Not everyone celebrates Deepavali or Chinese New Year.

What comes to your mind straightaway when I mention Christmas? It actually reflects what is in your heart. Shall elaborate on this awhile later…

Jesus
Cross
Church
Christmas tree
Santa
Snow
Presents
Party
Red, Green
Fun, Laughter
Love, Joy, Peace
Booze, Fights, Drunkenness, Smoke

Walked down Orchard Road (my usual habit) the other day and took photos of the brightly lit roads and buildings. Saw many performances and took lots of videos. Yet, as I was walking down, past countless people, amid all the holiday mood, I felt less of the holiday mood than previous years. Well, you could say its cos of the final exams. That could be a contributing factor, but there’s something inside me that felt the emptiness in the air, the facades behind the faces of people… Loom and gloom of the current financial climate? Could be, but yet there is more.

Walked down and was shoved, pushed and squeezed. Was reminded of how I spent Christmas few years ago, when I was still in my college days. That was worse. Walked down Orchard road to join in the countdown party – all the sweat, the foam sprays, the sprays that will spray out coloured streamers etc etc waiting for the so called count down and walking in a formation through the crowd that would prevent the ladies from being groped. At the end of it, coloured streamers everywhere, drunkards, beer bottles, anger and frustration on the faces of people who did not liked being sprayed at and intending to take revenge, fights, litter… etc… all along Orchard Road. Didn’t like it at all. Is this your idea of Christmas???

To me this day is a day of love, joy and peace. Not ugliness of Man. Full of holiness and purity. Not happiness at the expense of others.

As I walked down, I saw the big picture. If you were looking from atop, don’t we simply resemble a colony of ants surrounding a piece of sweet? Even the ants do not fight themselves, do not push and shove others, do not get angry or take revenge. They live – only to contribute to their entire race. So are we worse than ants? And what would God think? Would He be happy that we’re in such a state or would He be crying everyday, every Christmas, lamenting at our behaviour.

As I mentioned earlier, the small things – little thoughts, little actions – all reflect who or how you are. No point looking at the big things. Doesn’t tell much… But then again, different people have different values and so this probably doesn’t bother anyone else. My point being, do we spend time to reflect upon ourselves?

As we celebrate Christmas, do we know the true meaning of Christmas. Sometimes, I am saddened, saddened by the little things. This holiday to me is symbolic of the greatest gift God has given to mankind. The greatest present. So the way we treat this day, our attitude towards it, really saddens me sometimes.

Many of us, conveniently or refuse to acknowledge Christ when we celebrate on this day. Worse is when its all about getting drunk and fighting. Merry CHRISTmas has turned to Merry X mas. Christ is replaced by a mere X on this day. the focus is on the Merry and the X. “X” meaning you can do whatever you want, as long it makes you merry. IS THIS THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS? So it has become a mathematical equation. X = eating shopping enjoyment fighting etc, MINUS Christ.

Everyone has their own meaning of Christmas. The above is mine. What is yours? I really hope its not all about fights, anger and frustration… How are you feeling this Christmas? I hope its not all emptiness and gloom. I hope that everyone has a joyful, peaceful, lovely Christmas.

Chinese Drama Production "Life No Take 2"

For details, contact me! :P The following synopsis is taken from www.cscc.org.sg.

Story Outline

Upon invitation, a famous director is flying back to Singapore from the United States to direct a large scale drama performance Blood Offering, which tells the story of the suffering of Jesus Christ. The lead female actress is a well-known star. Unknown to the public, this enviable pair is actually undergoing divorce proceedings. A once famous singer involved in the drama is battling depression, thus affecting her performance. The director is considering to remove her role. A hardworking and positive young actor is haunted by his past of being an abandoned baby. A cheerful and helpful man fails to reciprocate his wifes care and concern. His neglect caused her to have an asthma attack during one of the rehearsals. A rising newbie is proud and stubborn, having constant arguments with the director. In the midst of preparing for the impactful life-changing drama Blood Offering, changes in the actors lives are also unfolding

编剧：彭毅

故 事梗概： 知名导演李豪受邀从美国飞回新加坡，执导讲述耶稣受难故事的大型舞台剧《血祭》。饰演剧中女主角的是当红艺人思灵，这对令人羡慕的艺坛佳偶正在办理离婚手 续。曾红极一时的歌手惠芸深受忧郁症的困扰，表现不在状态，导演考虑换人。勤奋上进的恩赐原是一弃婴，心中有难以抹去的阴影。开朗热心的庆生却忽略对妻子 的关爱，以致雅丽哮喘病发在排练场。新晋艺人华杰桀骜不驯，常与导演顶嘴……在排练这部意欲感动生命的《血祭》中，他们的生命在发生着改变… …

人 物

李豪：男。44岁。知名导演。
思灵：女。36岁。知名艺人。
恩赐：男。21 岁。初级学院学生。
惠芸：女。46岁。80年代当红歌星。
庆生：男。40岁。舞台剧监制。
雅丽：女。33岁。家庭主妇。
华杰：男。22岁。新晋艺人。

Brrr... Random Brrr Thoughts

Weather these few days has been weird. And my nose's dripping like mad. having malaise and aches everywhere. So glad its a long weekend for me to recover... am wearing my windbreaker even though i dun have aircon la!

But just a few days ago i was sweating away... virus go away! so i can enjoy this cool weather!!!

brrr... its the time of year again...

brrr... how seasons come and go, ever so regular, ever so punctual.

brrr... a snowy snowy Christmas... when you don't have it, you long for one, when you have it, you're troubled by it... how paradoxical Man is...

It just boils down to the notion that one is never satisfied. Man wants the best of everything. Man is never satisfied. Even when we appear to be satisfied, there are fine prints associated with it. Things like "I'd enjoy this weather if only the virus is gone"

But really, Man should be satisfied.

I should be satisfied...

Smile, cos the cold weather is here again!

Life and DEATH

Life, how sacred art thou. How amazing and wonderful you are.
Life, how fragile art thou. How uncertain and sudden you move.

God, how great art thou. How magnificent and majestic You are, to create life.
God, how holy art thou. How broken and unprepared am I, to meet You.

Life, we all know as wonderful as it is, comes and goes without us knowing. Some may have warnings or prodromes, like previous stroke or heart attack or cancer; yet some may not even have the slightest idea. Any one of us can drop dead the next moment. Each day is a mercy from God.

The question we have to ask ourselves everyday is, are you ready to meet God at this moment?

I am not.

The next question: when will you ever be ready? Don't you want to start getting yourself ready for that day, no matter when it comes? Why are you still delaying it?

It is very much like a spring test. We've had lots of that in secondary school. We know that a test will be coming, only we don't know when. So we try our best to prepare and learn, so that we will be prepared when the test comes. I don't know about you, but most Singaporeans, being Kiasu, will start preparing for it, so that they will not be caught unawares.

If we can do this for a spring test, then why aren't we doing it for something that determines our eternity?

Yes, we as humans are given 5 senses. So as long as something we do not look feel see hear taste, we are less likely to treat it seriously. Which is why we treat a spring test with more respect than our eternity. We lose our reasoning and perseverance once we do not see it immediately.

Yet we know that God has given us so many things to look feel see hear and taste Him. Why do we still deny Him? Why are we still not heeding His Word?

"Yes, save it for later, after i finish my exams / my meeting / my project etc etc" Hmmm are you really so sure you can finish your project before you die? The lady who went to Mumbai was quite confident she could come back after she gave her talk. She had even made plans for children. She thought life would just go on as it is, circling around her, until she's fed up of this life then she'd say bye. (Forgive me for these presumptous statements. But you get the idea... don't you?) Many of us live life like that; ME INCLUDED. It is like having no concrete plans to study for your exams. You do not plan what you are to cover this week, so that you can finally finish the whole syllabus, but read whatever you like, thinking that the exam will not come so fast...

With the end in mind, THEN you will be able to live life to the fullest.

For me, if i've never figured out life and death issues, Maker issues, i'd never be able to live my life to the fullest. Things like your job, your outlook, future plans, your relationships including boyfren or girlfren, spouse etc etc all cannot be settled or planned if we never figured out who God is or is there really a god (for atheists) etc etc... I don't think that it's a waste of time / fairytale to find out more about your eternity. Cos my outlook and the things i do will really be different.

Scenario A (if i'm an atheist, there is no eternity): i'd just do things that will make me "happy". If i like this gal i'd go for her, no matter whether its the perfect match. Just as long as I AM HAPPY. When I'm not happy anymore, well, just break up and find another. I AM HAPPY. "I"

Scenario B (if i'm not an atheist, of certain religion): I might not do things that will make me happy, OR the reason I am happy changes. I am now happy when i see things "right" etc etc.

So it really depends. So I think one need to sort that out first, before one can progress further.

The next question: are you sure u'd face your Maker as who you this He / She is after you die?

I am quite sure I'd face God and nothing else on the final day. Just that I am still not prepared for it.

Yet another question: You may be starting off well, being very enthusiastic in your quest for knowledge (or living, in this context), but are you sure that enthusiasm will sustain? Will you suddenly become burnt out just before the exam and in the end you do not end well?

Are you prepared for THAT DAY? Why not? Start now!

DO YOU NEED TO WAIT TILL SECONDS BEFORE YOUR HEART ATTACK?!? OR START TO REGRET WHEN THE GRENADE ROLLS IN FRONT OF YOU?

Perhaps this post sounds weird, but i think it is very practical! Just my personal reflection of recent happenings, what God's speaking to me and the finality of things...

My nephew... so CUTE!

I can't help but post this KISS KISS POOH POOH erhm well that is really his idea of KISS.


Heh SATISFACTION

And this video. He's already learnt this new skill... so be careful if u invite him to ur birthday party, u'd have fun...

HOW, WHO, WOH?

How nice would it be if one could stop time now.
How wonderful would it be if i could stay as sharp, if not sharper than before.
How good things would be if things are less regimental.
How perfect would it be if i am not sucked by the seemingly endless work and deviate from Him.

HOW.

Yet we forget that each day, every second, no matter how little (or "not enough") it may seem, is a mercy from the all-Loving One.

AND its really weird how each of us waste these precious seconds unknowingly, only to regret much later.

HOW...

STUCK seems to be the word that is jarringly sticking out now.

HOW... ...

And yes, God is definitely training me how to be not ashamed to ask for help, how to learn to trust Him and rely on Him.

HOW?

Nibbles of Thoughts - On 13 Nov

Shall blog now. Cos I'm really very sian in this lecture. It is all about trials and so on... Got so many things to remember, still can remember all the nicely named trials? Am really glad I have my PDA with me.

Today I saw how an old parent cried for his middle aged son. The old Chinese saying of "white haired person sending off black haired person" Am really not sure how to react to these scenarios. I trust in the power of God. I know He can do miracles. Yet in such situations, should I pray for alleviation of suffering, salvation or healing? Of Course, salvation is key, yet I'm really lost. But guess will just trust the Holy Spirit to guide the prayer in such circumstances. Perhaps should ask my cell leader about it...

What a change in dynamics, guess when people are attached, they behave differently. Ha Really zhong se qing you. But I guess its all natural

But I guess it needs practice to be always aware of God's presence. Cos we're all self centred, always going back into our comfort zone, back to our old habits. Its like teaching the old dog new tricks. Whateva

Omnipresence

Yes, I must say I am not the free-est person around, but I just realised something that did not occur to me and just felt like writing something about it.

It is a whole new paradigm shift. Well, no. I knew of this before, yet i think either i conveniently ignored it or that it didn't hit home.

I have never experienced this, but I am beginning to. Made me realise how I have treated Him as any other person, going to Him only when I need Him or when I think I need to talk to Him. Yet, He is omnipresent. And yet many of us just shut Him out of our doors when we're going about our daily business and opening our doors to Him when we feel like it or we feel we're ready. Yet He is not some isolated person but He is always there.

Omnipresence is the keyword.

ANNOUNCEMENT - SONGS OF WORSHIP SUB-BLOG HAS BEEN SET UP

Ha it seems that all the youtubes of songs are getting abit irritating for viewers. Cos they'd have to scroll a long time before they get to the next post!

SO I'VE MOVED ALL THE SONGS TO A NEW SUB-BLOG AT: SONGS OF WORSHIP
SO IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO THOSE SONGS, PLEASE CLICK "SONGS OF WORSHIP" LINK ON THE SIDEBAR!

THATS ALL FOLKS!

Encouraged

In my boredom amid those Tetralogy of Fallot and incomprehensible short forms of my notes, i browsed youtube and came across this video. About a Muslim who converted to Christianity. Hmmm was very touched and encouraged by his testimony. Nope, not trying to spark any controversy on my homepage but yups, just wanna share this video. I am reminded once again of His love. How great His love is.

Not everyone will have such a striking and supernatural testimony. Everyone has different experiences. But once again I am reminded of the magnitude of His Love. I think that's the main thing about Christianity - Love.

Many has thought that if God is really loving, then everyone would be in heaven. And if it isn't then the love is limited... Well, that's not true. The classic example is satan. God is all-loving, wants everyone to be in heaven with Him. Yet, it really depends on the individual whether he / she wants to be with God. Satan didn't want. He wanted to be his own god. God's love was rejected. So likewise for us, you can only be in heaven if you choose to. You choose to be in His Love or rejecting His Love. God didn't create hell, yet when you reject heaven and God, there is no other place for you to be in, except a place which lacks heaven, devoid of God. And in this place, since it is devoid of God's presence, nothing can be sustained, there is death.

well, yups... here's the video, hope whoever watches it will be as blessed as i am!

Part 1


Part 2


:P

Interesting Day, but seriously...

I need to study! Ha well yups, after wasting the whole day, i guess i must do better tomorrow. Went for rehearsals in the morning, had lunch, then rushed back to NTUC-ing and prepare dinner... cos ...

MY BROTHER's BIRTHDAY.

Ha sorry dudes who wanted to eat this, I can only cook one big meal like once during these 2 weeks... so ha just providing some Photographs. Just treat it as if u've eaten them la!

Ha making dinner from simple ingredients.. Guess i can only do that! Me not so atas (ie high class)! Really marvelled when i saw the 2 brothers on newspaper last time - they had their own professional kitchen at home and they cook for others using the most exotic (and of course, expensive) ingredients. Eg They know how to prepare foie gras! Oh man haha think i'd never reach that standard. But yups, simple pleasures from simple things! Me just a simple man! ha

Drink - Sparkling lemon grass white grape juice. my own concoction! ha used lemon grass as straw!


Salad - Usual salad veg + hawthorn dressing (ha its those mix in water drink) + almond bits + apricot bits - sweet and tasty. Healthier than that mayonnaise or thousand island (eat already must run on thousand islands!)

Starter - haha no photos cos i forgot all about it until i started eating the crab. But yeah its steamed egg (like Jap chawanmushi - er my spelling wrong) mixed w tofu, mushroom and jin1 zhen1 (canto thingy i guess)

Main course - watercress and rice

Main course - Grilled pork ribs! (ha i love it! so nice! Esp after u add some herbs... and it tastes so sweet, slightly sour and slightly spicy.... hahahaha shhh the marinade is trade secret... ha just some random mix from whatever condiments i can find at home)


Main course - CHILLI CRAB

Without the sauce
(ha note that the leg numbers aren't quite in proportion compared to the shell that's cos the person sold us ALL THREE CRABS with only ONE PINCER EACH!!!! They deliberately cut it off! Wert... And we only realised it when we got home. So my dad went to ask about it (actually to complain la haha), but was retorted with the comment: for those crabs with TWO PINCERS it is sold at 20+/kg compared to the current 10+/kg. We were like !?!?!?! So i guess they sell the pincer off to the restaurants who'd make things like crab meat sharksfin... But still, having a "Yang Guo" crabby sounds crappy cos it simply means a few days ago they cut the pincer off and so its not the freshest crab!)
BUT OH WELLS, it turned out that the crab was absolutely fantastic... the meat was succulent and really alot... compared to the past crabs i made, which were smaller, more difficult to eat the crab and abit more "fen3 fen3" ie powdery. Only gripe: one of us didn't get to eat the pincer! NO PINCER GRIP!!!

With the sauce / gravy, whichever u like to call it. (photo not well taken though!)


Finally, the dessert. ha no, not at all sinful.. very light and healthy! All made of fruits! Konnyaku jelly w orange sorbet and grapes and strawberry!


So the whole spread looks something like this:

So healthy rite... the meal doesn't look too oily or fatty. (other than the cholesterol in crab but i made it up with the salad, watercress and fruitty dessert!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER! MUHAHAHA! Think he enjoyed the meal. Well, he better have enjoyed it, or else.... ... ...

TIME TO MUG! oops... its wednesday already! :(

爬得越高，摔的越重!

第一次这么深切地感受到，你做的每一个决定，都能影响许多人。
看起来非常平凡、不起眼的一件事，都能带来严重的后果。
每一件事都须深思熟虑，一不小心便会犯下弥天大错。
以前总以为自己是不怕跌倒，跌倒后能很快站起来。
但原来不是。
又或许人越大，越怕跌倒。
就像那老人家，一跌就会卧病在床，久久不愈。
爬得越高，摔的越重；越大越是摔地重。
我，还在学习如何不怕跌倒，如何很快的再站起来。
毅力不到，而不是一蹶不振。

Cats. ha

I can't help but post this: CUTE! Am reminded of BZ & LLL! muhahaha!

You think only you can doze off...


The ferreting kitty...


The video's too long... but Kitty Wipes is here


Heh

Musings

Random post, referring to myriad of things that happened. So pardon for the jump in thoughts… Each paragraph is but one point of reflection ha. Might/might not have links with the other paragraphs!

I realised its only when its post call do I really sit down and reflect. It is only now do I "pen" it down.

Today, I regretted my own thoughts, my own actions. Its not that I did something outrageous, but it is censured by my own conscience. Rather, the Lord. I realised, while this may not often happen, but there exists a substantial number of people, who are difficult, for a reason. However, we often are just put off by these "difficult" moments, these little snippets of inconveniences which throw us out of our routine that we fail to notice the reasons. I am guilty of that, and for that matter, when I realised the impact of it, it was too late. Had I realised, had I took a moment to think with my heart, I would not have done things like this. I would not have labelled them "difficult" in my heart. I would not have the "if you do not want anything, of course there is nothing I can do and what do you still expect from us".

I so wanted to pray for her, but under those circumstances, I could only mutter something below my breath. I mean when all eyes are scrutinising what you are doing, and any major action that you undertake will potentially bring you down, though it is done out of kindness or concern in your heart. It is not with the subject that you will be helping, but rather the onlookers that are difficult to pacify. You know that who you're reaching out will be appreciative of your efforts, but you do not reach out that hand for fear of the numerous pairs of eyes looking at you. Yes, I do agree this is nothing new. It is an age old argument - tongues will wag. Yet, I am always torn between this "reaching out" and "behaving properly as the society deems appropriate". I know what the society deems correct is never the gold standard. Yet like the turtle, I find it really tough too climb out of that shell. Lord, I need strength to break that shell and crawl out of the comfort zone... Torn between professionalism and what you think is right.

If only I talked to them, things might have been different. I could feel the Holy Spirit nudging me to do something, especially when the words "Rosh Hashana " and " Yom Kippur (day of atonement)" sprung out suddenly. I had the "familiarity" advantage, but I froze in my steps for fear. I should be more afraid that I'm not listening to Him than fitting into the world, but inadvertently, the reverse happened. And my, those words reminded me of my devotion which has dissolved in the face of daily life, how resolutions which I made faded so easily. Aargh! Am disgusted with myself.

Handling the inevitable. I guess one of the reasons I labelled them difficult was that I could not come to terms with this idea they put forth. Probably it was due to my training, or it can be that I could not stand their contradictory statements. Perhaps in situations like this it is always tough to be consistent in your thinking. They were torn between what they wanted and what they felt was best for their loved one. But they've shown me how one handles the big D that haunts everyone. Yes, I know I have victory over that big D, yet when others face it, I do not know how to handle it. I can only leave the big D into His hands. At least, this was not the idea of "comfort measures" that I had. And for a moment I fully experienced what is meant by watching helplessly. It stings most terribly not because you have exhausted your means, but rather you have yet to exhaust your means yet your hands are like tied and you can't do anything.

It seems, as one ages, our outlook towards life change. I am really not sure how she would have wanted things to happen. I keep on getting the feeling that the family were putting their ideas onto her, who was helpless and nearly unarousable. But well, I can’t change their minds. Perhaps this weird feeling it’s just a way that I use to “vent” – as almost all who’re on my list are palliative because the family or person involved chose it.
To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always. But my idea of comfort has been whacked upside down. Perhaps I’ve not really truly encountered these situations outside the textbook so when I’m faced with it, I need a bit more time for adjustment. Once again, textbook comes alive.

By right the week had been a relaxing week. Non-taxing. Am really not sure why I’m having all these musings.

The mouth. I prayed for Him to reveal the spiritual roots to the affliction. I realized that the mouth is a dangerous tool. And I’ve been using it very much in the wrong way most of the time. Well, at least I didn’t want to blog about this but cannot remember the original context in which I put down the point “the mouth”. So I’m blogging more on the affliction than anything.

This then brings me to the point that I do not seem to write in detail the day’s events. Like a diary. I know if I do not write down in detail events, I will forget the context which I write all these reflections (on my blog). Yet, this is still a public domain, how can I not spare the details? Yet, I am too lazy to re-write them on a so called diary. One of the reasons why blogging has been much more successful that keeping a diary: I prefer typing to writing anytime. (Ha, I cannot imagine if I did not learn to type when I was younger) It is times like this that I can only lament the lost of great details of my liife.

I am back to the "I need time for myself" feeling. So I headed down for my own share of comfort measures today but no didn't get that perfect fix that I wanted. It was still a relaxing afternoon. Ha simple pleasures in life... Felt a little rejuvenated after everything. Classic examplf of the fact that TV does not give you rest. It is spending time with yourself and doing things you truly enjoy that gives you the rest. But well, I am really not sure why I can still be glued to that box all the time. Probably an escape mechanism.

All in all I hope I don't regret that so called sacrifice I've made. Both are once in a lifetime things. Well but then again, many things happen only for that one transient time.

Oh my, its back to that newsbreaking thing again. Still cannot bear to bring myself to break the news. Pray more about it.

Have more to write, but times up! :P brb

Purity

Ha yesterday's sharing had been great. Not that the message was something that hasn't been heard before, but the fact that my mouth opened and i actually shared about something so personal. Yes, in fact i don't know why my mouth opened and how i actually would say all those things. But the fact was that God has calling me to do that for many times but I never really got about doing it. This time, I did it. The feeling was, liberating.

Really. I finally understood what it means by crucifying your flesh. It is a long arduous journey of giving up your old ways. Those ways that are sinful and terrible. The very word "crucifying" simply means that it is a slow and painful process. Now i look back, I really thank God for seeing me through. Am so glad God pulled me out of the filth.

The whole process begins with you identifying the areas in your life which you've problem with, ie having a problem with God. In short, sins. Then the nudging from the Holy Spirit to ask us to change. And starting to change. And falling back to the habit again after some time, back where you started and try again. Yes, it is exactly like trying to kick a drug addiction. During the process you might feel like you've lost yourself, feel that you can't continue, even having "depersonalisation" (yes, psychiatric term). Yet at the end of it all, you feel much much lighter and the problem that once seemed to be taking every part of your life now becomes nothing more than a speck of dust. And to wipe away that final speck, its to talk to someone else about it. Only when the problem comes to light, will it be gone forever.

And yes, so I've completed resolution of 2 issues. I know the 3rd one will be resolved soon. And well i guess i'm just waiting for a more matured person to bring it to light and thereafter uprooting these issues forever and ever.

As I look back, I really do not think how I managed to walk through all that. I wouldn't want to walk through it again. Yet, in future if there's something like this once again, I'd be more cool about it, for I know at the end, God is waiting for me. He is standing at the end of the whole race waiting to pick me up and hug me. Daddy God!

I am proud of Daddy God. And likewise, at the end of my life, I wanna Him to be able to say proudly, "that is my son!"

So, walk in all purity!