Only when its lost, u truly will cherish

I read somewhere... That if not all things were transient, that if not all things would end one day, would not these things be so precious to us... Guess Man is a forgetful lot - everything taken for granted, as if everything will be the same everyday when we wake up. But all it needs one little change in a small detail, it will be drastic...

I must be one who never learns. Many a time when I told myself I had to cherish the things around me, the next moment I will be too preoccupied with something else that i began to take things for granted... Every time I told myself I had to change, but yet I will return to my own comfort zone. Truthfully, I told myself, "That can wait... till I finish this/that" weeks... months... years... passed by yet nothing's changed. everything is uneventful. Sometimes truly it was beyond my control, but what if, I've tried harder? Things might have been different.

This is the third time... The first - it was lost. I looked high n low for it, but it was nowhere to be found. I took solace n comfort, that it probably had gone somewhere, cherished the hope that it had found a better place to live. I was sad, couldn't let go, was looking for it over a week, n resolved by cheating myself... that it had survived n living happily somewhere else... although i knew... i knew... the chances were low. More likely it was all alone, in some dark corner, cold and hungry, slowly withering... going slowly, to the place of no return... And yet i gently allowed it to slip away from my memory, my attention, though it will present itself in my mind at times, as if haunting... I even dreamt about it...

The second - it belonged to a friend. He was in hospital, and i took it home, providing a shelter. A red swelling was discovered, then using my "medical instinct" took some antiseptic, to clean it, hopefully it will be cleared of the infecting germ. The next day, all i discovered was a cold, hard rock. It was then, it was really then, that i began to realise how limited my knowledge was. It was supposed to work well in theory, but i guessed, the dose was toxic, even though i had diluted it ten times. No i had overlooked something... it probably licked. That was it. Things are probably not as it really seems...

The third - well maybe it cannot be considered as the third. Could not remember it was given to me, or was it a replacement for the second. yes it was for the second, for I was filled with remorse. But yes, the friend did not want it. I gave it away... but barely 2 days later came the dreadful sms... I begin to wonder if i really was a jinx...

This is the THIRD, at least, at my house... I knew this day would come. I was counting the days... 2 years... all it had was 2 years... i calculated... 2 years, including the time before i've seen it... so when i realise the time was not to my advantage, i really told myself to take care of it, to play with it to make it comfortable. Love, peace, joy, was all i wanted it to have. At a moment, in my innocence, I even wondered where it will go after 2 years. I thought... I would want it to be heaven, a place where endless love, joy and peace. In my innocence, I began to talk to it, began to comfort it, began to sing hymns to it. but after the exams, i seldom looked at it... just took it out to play. when 2 years was up, i took it for granted. it was as if everything was back to the same. I thought everyday I wake up, everything IS the same. but it IS NOT. week after week, as if almost a ritual - tuition, lessons, mug, exam, watch TV, slack, do housework, nag at my parents, being nagged at in return - a cyclical thing. nothing had changed. only one thing did. TIME. Little have i realised each day, being so precious, has been wasted. I knew it was changing, YET i didnt do anything about it. Probably i thought i had too much time, it had too much time.... but yet once u look back, everything seemed to have passed by so fast, that there is only room for regret. Yet this, will bring us back to the cycle.... nothing will change, except time n there is really no time to be wasted on regret - upon the things that have past, such that it sucks time out of the present. I will not allow myself to dwell upon regret, though it was as if a lightning bolt piercing through my heart. I will continue to cherish... everything around me... (wonder if this is once again yet another empty promise i make to myself.... for all it may turn out, just another means of cheating myself...)

yes it IS gone. just 10 minutes into the bathroom and something has changed. Just a little uproar from my parents, esp my naggy daddy... n now, barely half an hour later, everything is back to same as before. Me on my laptop, my dad half listening to TV, half asleep, my brother reading his book and my mum, forever deep in thought about even the minute things making her so kancheong everytime... regret? i guess so, but hidden well. but i guess, their minds are in a whirl, just like mine...

Pick up the pieces, pick up the emotion and walk back onto life. Only now, with a new experience, with a new perspective... I must change the current situation. I know I will be met with challenges, but I must not give up. He will give me strength. probably this is yet another event He has planned, for my maturity, and to bring me closer to Him.

I will try even harder to bring everyone - those whom i love and those who i dont even know - peace, love, joy! the TRUE peace, love and joy, much better than the earthly indulgences. I have faith - that it is already enjoying the peace love and joy...

not waste precious time, but bring my loved ones to this joy - or i really would live to regret!

how to do it, i really dunno.

Try n that is all i can do...

try
try
TRY!!!

at least, if i tried, i wont regret, perhaps just disappointment!

JOY TO THE WORLD!
THE PEACE HAS COME!!
LET US FEEL THE LOVE!!!

you reading this, feel the love too :-P

SIanz

If u all no time pls dun read lahz.... i need to fa xie

today really a stupid day

i really very angry.

today no lesson for everyone, but cos our problem based learning (PBL) tutor had previously shifted our PBL session to today, at CGH, we're the only ones who hav lesson. Alot of them din really felt like gg for the lesson, but they nvr say anything before today.just the usual ramblings of "har no lesson oso muz go" or "CGH so far away" etc Total got 12 ppl.

today's lesson suppose to b 3.30pm. my grp rep sms all at noon to check the attendance (cos the previous time only 3 ppl turned up cos the nxt nxt day got CA). To my horror, only got 3 ppl gg. Me, my grp rep n another one stayin near CGH. k so now the problem of whether to just go or at least inform the doctor of wats happening. So i told my grp rep juz inform the doctor, at least he wont get a shock n at least if possible to postpone to a date when everyone can turn up. I tot this was basic courtesy. u noe wat i mean?

Then grp rep told me it was postponed.

Then nxt i was informed tt the doctor wanted all of us to give a reason y we did not turn up.

nxt, dean's office called the group rep n said we were suppose to see the 2 VICE DEANS on the first day of sch nxt sem, after the CAs.

It barely happened within 3 hrs. That shows the gravity of the situation. The Dean's office had nvr worked with such efficiency.

My fren told me it was sha1 yi1 jing3 bai3.

Now my mama is nagging again. she doesnt understand the situation. she said in chinese "even if the grp rep tell u only got 3 ppl u still turn up! at least the doctor know u the good student." eh turn up n kena marked? kena scolded? turn up when u were told it was postponed by the grp rep, like all previous incidents???

i dunno wat this means, but i noe, if i'm marked for wateva, say specialisations courses or during Viva, i will RETALIATE. if my future is affected, i will RETALIATE. if i ever get a warning letter, i will RETALIATE.

Just wanna be a simple student n graduate to be a good doctor. Hope everything is fine.
I may be fine with anything. But this time i am really angry. How can many of these ppl in my batch be GOOD DOCTORS with their bad attitude n appalling behaviour??? Here i am trying to scrimp and save to see myself thru medical sch but there they are spoiling everything for me.... .... these brats... SPOILT BRATS. how can i ever trust to refer my patients to them???

sianz

wahahhaha

HEyA!

erhmz guess im too lazy to blog hahahaha LONG TIME no blog liaoz.... some more not gg to properly blog now either cos watching STAR AWARDS! haiz actually realised everytime i blog it sounds negative! hahahaha

so must sound positive!!! wahhahahaha erhmz k i haven bathe.... haven studied even ONE SET OF LECTURE NOTES! chamz lah every day so slack... realised microB alr have 20 over lectures n i haven even started ONE!!!! yet still watching TV!!!! cham la really muz push myself ah

today was my grandma's baptism!!! AM HAPPY!!! (but well, mood was dampened by something, shan't mention it here... but its still 3 to 1...) but am STILL HAPPY!!! ate so much food!!!! n PRAISE THE LORD!

heee heee dunno wat else to say liaoz... cos busy glueing my eyes on the black box... eeee xu zhi an cant sing, n another ten yr awardee cant speak sense, but those Taiwan emcees who came to give away the prizes livened up the mood!

lalalalala

walk one step at a time!!!

Crushed

Dunno y but tink tt i'm STUPID. haiz everything seems crashing down, my brain feels like its coming off, can feel facts n figures seeping out through my skull as though it is a fully permeable membrane.

Cycle after cycle... Anw, beginning to snap at ppl ard me... guess its the permeable membrane... losing control, losing focus... a point of saturation.

hate it when some ppl tell u they don't rem a thing, YET when u ask them they rattle off things from everywhere under the sun... even the sml print in the BOOKS (when i only have time for lecture notes) n YET they tell u they dun rem n YET they r worst off den u.

inching towards DOOM every second, yet it may well be a RELEASE / RELIEF... but is it really a relief?

I must be stupid... ... ...

Changes abound. Changes every moment. i meant SHOCKING changes. Poof, without warning, it just comes, n changes a large part of ur life... well i said SHOCKING.... not sure whether its a bad change, but definitely it cant be good.... ...

I must be stupid... ... ... ...

stupid...

But i hope n hope n hope

I NOT.

long time no blog...

hmph... very tired... but long time no blog!!! decided not to let mould grow... so typing this as i'm watching my tv!!!! haha just reached home but must cool down before bathing wat... hahahaha just back from watching the singapore hits award!!!

Cool! got 2c lotsa stars!!! hahaha it was damn last minute, but guess it was a good impromptu experience!!!

hmmm actually got lotsa things to say... but cant really consolidate my thoughts yet, hope i can finally put em down all asap... lotsa tots... but ya noe tots r tots.... it just comes anywhere anytime, n if u cant find a suitable place to write it out it just dissolves hahahaha n depend on how u retain those things!!!

hiak hiak me very tired... haiz had earlier been a bad day.... HATE MICROBIOLOGY!!! eh immuno was better but erhmz still not good lah.... hope i really can pass.... haiz only today den i noe 30 to 40% will fail every yr in the CA one.... chamz lah i hope i dun bcome another statistic... but i really cant study any longer liaoz.... eeeeeee

anw watching tv liaoz hahahaha nxt timne blog again lahz

cya!

brother's BIRTHDAY!!! how crabby

haha today had a really tiring day. cos went home straight after sch to cook!!! birthday meal for my brother! hahahaha well n i went to buy his present n some secret recipe cakes! erps not all went well though, cos there were only quite few selections, cos lotsa ppl bought the nice nice cakes liaoz hahahaha but still ok lah bought 4 cakes!

den went home n cooked chilli crab, steamed crab, braised chicken n pork with black fungus n mushroom, n some vegetables! haha though it was hard work, it was worth it! enjoyed a delicious meal! wahahahahha erps but tell u hor... just now i almost kena scared, cos the crab aft being cut up, for about 20 min alr, n when i was ready to cook em, one of the legs MOVED!!!! hahahaha n quite vigorously... but knew it was reflex action of the crab, but tink the crab is abit cham too... but i just ate it anw lahz

k post some fotos!

first lemme show the chilli crab!


hehehehe hot n spicy chilli crab!!! red red leh















nxt, show u the cakes!!! hahahaha four in a row

will intro all these cakes one at a time!!! haha but is buy one get one free!!! hahahaha so even though is $5 per cake, i got 4 cakes for $10!!! hahahaha so wu hua hiak hiak hiak.... but not as nice as wat i ate in KL hahahaha kekeke

first from the left: this is the chocolate cheesecake!!! hahaha really delicious full of chocolate n got chocolate chip! all my fave!!! hahahaha i like this one best!!!

2nd frm L: Americano cheesecake!!! ahhahaha this one not at nice, but choc on traditional cheesecake still worth a try!!!!

Lulalalala hahaha lemme introduce u 2 more cakes lah hahahahaha. there's the blueberry cheesecake! haha bie you yi ban feng wei ne!!! cept didnt really like the cream. hahahaha den there's the strawberry cheesecake!!! the strawberry is smooth n soury n creamy hahahahaha love cheesecakes!

ahahahahha lemme now intro u to the one n only half boiled egg tt my mama made... pls look carefully... its actually overcooked half boiled egg, but its so unique!!! cos the outside is solid n i peeled it off like i'd do in a hard boiled egg but the inside is still abit liquid!!! hahahaha new creation n a new realm of cooking hahaha... k this was my breakfast on wednesday...






n haha took this during my own celebration of MAF this yr la hahahaha looks qt nice horz.

may the fire of Love n Faith burn in us forever!!!!

:-P













Last but not least, how can i ever forget my dear dear hamster xiao bai??? so cute n innocent n plopping down hahahaha well guess its the latest edition of hamster in my hse... wateva...

CA coming in 2 more weeks... aargh!!! y m i still so slack???

------

I know not how long the peace will prevail, but I know i'm still so impoverished in my Faith....

I know not what the future holds, but I know there will be a future...

I know not, what this shell is doing... but I know the person must take over, not the shell...

I know not...

But i hope i knew...

playing hse?? will i quake???

goodness... juz checked mail... need to fin mem my dear script by tml... erps i cant even rem the things i just studied n i hav to mem my script???

haiz but no choice lahz....

smilez hopefully i can enjoy nice nice secret recipe cakes tml! provided i hav time to go buy... if playhse ends late den.... n i've to rush home to cook.... tink hor those working mothers really bu4 rong2 yi4 dang1

anw, had my pbl yest, n was informed by this new tutor tt my first tutor (the one v v crazy cos he gave us lotsa learning issues, but well apparently he has gd intentions n he showed to b a surgeon tt knows almost EVERYTHING... erps not like some we had last yr tt tried to smoke ard) went to PAKISTAN! to aid in the earthquake.... WOW!

Really respect him for his courage n kindness! This was the type of doctor i'd set out to be... someone who's very proficient in his work, able to make use of his knowledge to save thousands of lives, willing to go the extra mile to help patients, etc... u noe, really smart n nice n helpful. I want to be like tt... but it seems "want" n "can do" is really miles apart.

it lead me to ask myself, if the occasion arises, will I be so decisive and ready to go into a quake-stricken area, fearless n full of purpose? (n yes... he's married) I don't think i can be that decisive (well, assuming i really become v smart overnite n manage to bcome a great doctor), esp when there's still aftershocks... yup cos i dun wanna leave my family behind... for a trip tt does not promise a full safe return, will I be daring enough to take a gamble?

cant help thinking y there are so many considerations in life... but yes, if i m sure i will b able to return in one piece, albeit getting injured or wat in the process, i'd stand up n shout, " I wanna HELP!"

for i know, if i didnt, there will b many more ppl suffering... ... ...



n yup tt doctor's my inspiration now!!! thank him for this wonderful lesson!!!


so mug on...

ferret ferret ferret ferret ferret ferret ferret ferret ferret ............................

wahahahhahahahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahah
lulalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalal
muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

erps testing psychomotor skill... eh prob motor fxn, in case i really kena some lesion due to overanxiety or ruptured bld vessel in the brain.... how how how just realised CA is coming in 2 weeks n i haven touched anything!?!? n some more so many tuition rrrrr n some more the kids nowadays really make me blood spurt etc etc etc etc etc etc... teach em same thing until i oso can mem but they still can get it wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.... crazy crazy crazy crazy..... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

siao ta bor siao gin na siao bui kia siao dih1

point his toy gun at his head he still dunno how to do.... great if he fail fail fail fail he will know know know know know know rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


how how how how how how how how how???????? suddenly feel as stoopid s he..... wait i CA oso.... haiz shit n y on earth is $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ so impt??? rrrrr n i have no $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ crazy my bro bought this tea for my uncle's bday tt costs $45 n i hav to pay half.... den still got his bday present n my cousin bday present.... but i still most worried abt CACACACACACACACACACACA

anw gtg tink i have to cook chilli crab again for my bro... (thanks to my papa's suggestion... er... got time meh???) haiz c how lah

gonner

Learning points...

wanted a change of environment, so went to canteen to mug in the morning, but it opened my eyes abit to certain things that i was not aware of. as u've guessed, i couldnt really study cos my fren came over and chatted. actually the four of us just sat together...

all happend when one of them had a phone call which sounded rather serious. his first response was "send to IMH" n i nearly burst out laughing... cos i tot he was joking. It turned out, to b a family problem of his friend, the mum going to the extremes to stop her daughter from choosing a religion of her own choice... n this person on the phone is qt worried for the mum actually. K this is all i can tok abt... hmmm but we were havin a discussion n it was really close to heart, for that was what happened between me and my mum, in fact, whole family (ie bro + dad) but my mum's the stubborn one... u get the drift... so we quarrelled, but eventually i gave in. Continued to learn more about Christ, prayed, read the Bible, only no church. :-P wonder when i'll finally get to go, but i know the day will come! n i have faith, God will melt all their hearts of stone, n convert them!

but i said something which shed abit of light on understanding my mum. If parent and child were of a different religion, the extreme reactions stem from the fact that each believe that he/she was believing in the "true" Way, which will mean the other is "false". In such a scenario, of course the parent will try to "save" the child n do wateva, at all costs, to bring the child back to something which parent thinks is true! This is the source of conflict and reason why sometimes it is so irreconcilable.

Also, most of us cannot accept changes... be it how open mind the younger generation seem to proclaim, for eg, in the study of science it's so ingrained that green plants form food by photosynthesis, but will we be ready to accept it when someone proposes that they get their food instead by parasitism? we'd b skeptical, let alone the older generation, whose beliefs are so unchallenged and ingrained. (guess we'd b liddat nxt time too... haiz y muz we grow old? darn senescence!!!) so it really takes time to convert ur parent or for him/her to accept new faiths, and not infuriate her by merely going against her and do things she doesnt like.

In fact, if u really love ur family, u'd want to bring them onto the path towards what u believe, right? how can one escape from this Herculean task and run away, tinking tt by going against ur parents u'd b right? It is only right to help ur parents get onto the right path too!!!

which is why, i haven ever given up... :-)

N tot i had heard enough shocking things, but the piece of information i learnt about another person gave me a shock too. even though, as usual, it didnt show on my face.

Realised how many things, many people are not within my expectations... I mean things that i learn about them really shocked me sometimes. Maybe i was overprotected? Too protected to commit wrongdoings on my own folly? Or truly it was due to my upbringing? Didnt occur to me so many unexpected things actually happens around me.

hmmm too late liaoz... shall talk abt it some day later... me mama jus knocked my head n hovered over my comp n tell me to slp hahahaha... 2 sides of the coin - caring... but independence???

i;m not slpy... how???

CHaOs???

The week has been uneventful for me, but at least i managed to clear 3 tuitions all in one week... one more barely 7 hrs later... Down with a flu n just recovered, but starting coughing already... chose ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE hahahaha... may or may not help, i'm not sure...

well, the past week for the world has not been uneventful, in fact fraught with crises. From the homegrown dengue problem, to the rising bird flu in Indonesia taking away lives, to the Bali bombing sequela, to the Canadian unknown disease (prob another flu/ SARS / sth of tt sort???) to the threatening of 12 ambassies in Malaysia with possible terrorist acts... The world is indeed not peaceful... More ppl will suffer as a result, more crises, more woes, more tears and blood.

Is it that the world has always been fraught with many many woes, except that i have been ignorant of (eg civil war in some country? disease wiping a whole town?) all along, or is there really going to be a great tragedy imminent? There nothing much we can do about the impending crises / deaths, except to brace up for the occasion.

Read something about suffering these few days... 2 corinthians 12:10 "When I am weak, then I am strong" and how disabled people best understood the grace of the Lord, only when they've experienced and accepted their weakness (disability).... Cant really fully comprehend this, but i guess when one is at his weakest, can he stand up to the test and live with greater strength and perseverance - u need strength to overcome and get away from the weakness

Not sure if i've been through something truly worth calling weakness, but always felt that it is through all these experiences that makes us learn important lessons in our lives... In the comfort of the chair in front of the computer, one thinks of the suffering of someone plaqued by famine, with all empathy, with all desire to help out - but frankly, will this person really understand how it is like to be hungry all his life??? We thought we learn through reflection and observation, but truth is, we learn best through personal crises, and at the end, we all emerge "stronger... than yesterday!!!"

We can think all we want, can probe and wonder about the world, but it will all be but a dream. A white piece of paper we'd still remain. Only when we pick up a pencil and draw it out, will we be a beautiful picture. There may also be certain things that are erased in the process of drawing, but no matter how clean they are erased, the mark made by the pencil will remain as part of the picture... regardless of whether there is a carbon marking or not. Such is the essence of learning through experience (and possible suffering?)

ooops think i'm crapping too much. it always happens... as it always does to me... letting the soul run free in the middle of the serene night.

I am beckoned... to my place of rest...

may the world too rest... and rediscover the peace... and joy!

NITEZ

IT'S CHILDREN'S DAY!!!!

woo hoo enjoy this day everyone!!! live life to the fullest and enjoy each n every precious day like a child does!!! do things tt will make u happy. Happiness n bliss n content is the most impt in life isn't it???

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!!!

hahahahaha
so happy

im a big kid!!!! woooooohoooooooo heeeeehaaaaaa!!!!! wahahahahahahaha

shall get my parents to treat me to a children day meal or even a present!!!! hahahaha yes i m childish!!! im a big child!!! child at heart!!!!!

nothing to pull down my euphoria!!! this is the 3rd time i typing this msg.... the other 2 got deleted accidentally!!!! hahahahaha it's children's day!!!

the week's ramblings?

Hmmm, everytime I have many thoughts and nice things to talk about, but once I get onto the computer, the inspiration and ideas just disappear. Can only stare at the screen blankly, not knowing what to crap about.

Forgive me if my blog is rather empty and un-updated. When u have no time to even take good care of your own body, it is rather obvious that u would not have time to even ramble about the week's happenings. N for Short-Term Memoried ME, i'd hav forgotten most of the significant stuff that happened. Can only remember the mundane stuff like going for tuition and getting blood spurting out everywhere n trying desperately to talk so much within 3 hours tt u get outta breath and soured jaws...

This blog is meant for personal ramblings, not really for my friends to read i guess, that is why i've told no one of this blog, not linking anyone. Anyone who's fated will discover and I will just leave it as that. :-P

Let's recount together what I did for the past few days... starting from today backwards? haha

Today went to sch as usual, 1 hr early, w my bro, den attended the first lect 9 to 10 am. The lecturer is a nice guy(discussed w PNY his tummy too! n exclaiming tt i dun hav tummy!), n he is very detailed, but is v v slow, such tt he only managed to finish his lesson which was meant for the previous day's. Ie we are one lect behind... hai looks like we'd hav to stay back for one xtra hr in the end....

Nxt lesson was 2pm. Shit alot of time. Told myself tt i had to mug the whole 4 hrs to catch up. BUT when i heard my frens gg for badminton, i volunteered to join them! hai stupid foul mouth... but it was impt cos I HAVE NOT EXERCISED FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS ALREADY!!!! haha so too bad lorz. went and played without change of clothes. So felt very HOT, esp with my jeans. so aft the game went to the toilet to blow dry my shirt n body... haha n met DXK aft his gym n he was lookin into the mirror to c his progress of building up his muscles haha! he was surprised i actually did not have a "lian2 he2 guo2" on my tummy... haha den told him this is my worst form liaoz... much fitter during BMT.

den realised almost everyone exercised at least once a week... haiz... tink i'd better exercise more!!! haha attempted to do it a fortnight ago, but its either weather bad, no time or v lazy. haha I DUN WANNA B FAT, FAIR N FLABBY!!!! HOW????? MUZ EXERCISE!!!!! NO MOTIVATION!!!! HAIZ HOW HOW HOW!!!! den my fren even say i nvr exercise den suddenly study halfway heart attack ah .... CHOY CHOY CHOY. so bad one.

oh den during the first lect, lecturer cracked a joke abt the more babies women give birth to, the less risk of breast cancer (less exposure to estrogen) n haha ZKX tt couple, who was sitting beside me, wrote something instantaneouly on his notes and showed it to her. wahahahahaha den tt gal lovingly hit him! he then erased his comment haha.(before i attempted to er haha find out) guess mabbe he's already making plans for a few kids!!! wahahahahahaha so fast hor

fat fat fat ah but me still watch tv tv tv hahahahaha

oh n this wk made cranes n bought a scarf n hat, intending to give my fren who's leaving for further studies nxt wk. Haven finish making, but have to give it to her this weekend! cos no time already. hope i can finish it! n wishing her all the best!

Gone are the emotions of the yesteryears, embrace n look forward into the future!

haha I cant even commit myself to stay true to my feelings, what else is there but to give up???

hmmm tink my post will be too long if i continue to write about the previous days. think nothing much lah, but wed was DXK's bday n on tues i got a v funny CHinese sms from TKH. It goes, "那天我肚子痛，就去大变，很顺畅，很大条。 最大的那条上面竟然还刻有你的名字！原来好朋友不是常挂在嘴边，而是收藏在心里，太满了， 才漏一点点出来。“ hahahaha den sent it to qt some ppl

hmmm den got an sms frm HWX, my pri sch classmate. felt qt surprised she suddenly sent the sms, but was touched by her sms. Also about friends, but very touching, unlike the abovementioned one hahahaha

k its 1.14 am liaoz n i need to get up for tuition tml, so guess I shall blog another day again!

cya n take care, whoever chances upon this blog


PS: can those ppl who has read the blog tag on the tagboard, so tt at least i know whos reading it? thanks! cya all!

Sunday Reflections

A ferret.

Always searching, always finding.

How apt.

Today, I found another thing... did some thinking... here goes

Did my own quiet time, was initially unable to connect to the passage and understand it. In fact, there were alot of negative thoughts and reflections that made me feel that I have lost myself. The details of all this, of course, were written in my bible study book. I prayed, asking the Lord to guide me, and after which, I was able to connect to the passage. Read Psalms 143. And it fully matched how I was feeling.

I prayed, that I do not lose my fervour for the Lord, however, I was ashamed of myself and felt unworthy for Him. v1 "O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief"
v4 "So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed." like how i was feeling just now.

It also reflected how I was previously like, just before my M1 Final Exam, always longing for God, when I was still searching for the truth about Christianity... Had a strange longing for God, though I could not bring myself to believe Him at that point of time. I read His Word, really wanted to find more about Him: v5 "I remember the days of long ago; I meditated on all your workds and consider waht your hands have done." v6 "I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land."

And just now, this was exactly how I felt and prayed: v7 "Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit faints with longing. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit".

And now i hope: v8-9 "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you."

And of course, I prayed that He would,
v10 "Teach me to do our will, for you are my God; may your good spirit lend me on level ground."

Hope and confidence were restored... the morning was no longer looming with dark clouds. the Light of Jesus has lighted up my gloomy day! :-P

No matter what the sin, the defeat, the discouragement, the false accusation, the overwhelming task, the tragedy, the sorrow... No matter how deep the darkness, no matter how terrible the failure, God wraps his arms of unfailing love around you once again today!

The beautiful sunset will give way to darkness, but the sun is never down. There is sunrise at the same moment in another place.... Just like God's unfailing Love... always there....

hmmm

Many thoughts, but just cant put it to words...
too lazy to type,
too lazy to tink of the right words.
Still ferreting... it's nvr over... n tt's what makes life enjoyable

Cant seem to finish mugging
But I will try!

Short term memory,
No choice mug again!

wadeva lahz haha

live life to the fullest! sMiLeZZZZzzzz

Countdown to Mid Autumn Festival

Mid Autumn Festival... One of my favourite festivals. Though many perceive I like it because of the mooncake, the fun playing with the lanterns, the wonderful story behind it etc... But NO. I like it because I enjoy the serenity of the night, lit up by a lantern. Signifying hope in the darkest hours, peace in the unfriendly darkness. It also signifies the reunion of families, reconcilation, and the joy of just being together. Everything comes a full circle... whatever u do, there will be a point of time where u'd go back to the start... this signifies a fresh start, just like the moon, always growing from a crescent to a full moon, and disappearing and reappearing... for millenia, it has continued in this manner. everything in this world, it seems, is a cycle.

I'm not sure why, but there's always this warm feeling when MAF comes... unlike Chinese New Year, where everything is exciting n hyped up, but i just don't feel the same... think i really enjoy the serenity and silence of the night... ...

My feeling now is exactly like the following song (I edited the lyrics):

Night time sharpens
heightens each sensation...
Darkness wakes
and stirs imagination
Silently the senses
abandon their defences
Dreams in the wildest
one beholdest
For i compose
the music of the night...

Slowly, gently
night unfurls its splendour.
Grasp it, sense it -
tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing
music is deceiving
Hard as lightning
soft as candlelight
Dare you trust
the music of the night...

Close your eyes
and feel the peace that seeps through you
And tranquil
is what you will experience.
In the dark
it is easy to pretend
That calmness
amid the fluttering heart

Softly, deftly
music shall caress you...
Hear it, feel it
secretly possess you...

Open up your mind
let your fantasies unwind
in this darkness which
you know you cannot fight -
the darkness of
the music of the night...

Close your eyes
start a journey through a
strange new world!
Leave all thoughts
of the world
you knew before!

The Ferret Ferrets...

to search like a ferret... assiduously...

inquisitive nature

search answers
search unknown
search myself
search the world
search meaning
search life

no answers,
many unknown.
myself a stranger.
the world abound.
there is meaning,
there is life!

Bored, n juz stoning

Lotsa things to do, but dunno y i juz wanna stone... in front of the comp... that is how i set up this blog. Not exactly interesting, but I guess its something new for me

Darkness creeps in slowly,
Seconds tick by.
Time is not on my side,
But I still let it go by.
Fighting to pull away,
Flesh weak and long to stay.
Motionless,
Other than me fingers.
Stoning,
Only with low sound of breath.

Will I ever wake,
From this persisting delusion.
Will I ever find,
The world of perfection.
Where I can live like my own.

Seeing less of myself everyday,
Giving up to lifeless tasks everyday.

But if there's no work,
Will I ever make the mark???