Hmmm

ha one of the reasons why i kept this blog to myself previously cos i merely wanted something like a diary, just to write what my thoughts, my feelings are, etc. Ha but now... hmmm...

Erhm. Think quite a few people asked me what happened after my previous post. Hmmm. NOTHING HAPPENED. ha not unhappy or troubled or what. Well, guess its my English again. SiGh! SO DUN WORRY K!

was just recounting an event (erhm 3 yrs ago?) which i was really helpless, but now my prayers have been answered. So yes, it is a sweet feeling, a testimony of God working in my life. I have seen how faithful God has been. I am always amazed by God, by what He has done. I stand in awe of Him. The feeling He gives me in a Chinese phrase is: 奇妙. Miraculous! That's how it feels like. its the 'wow' feeling!

So even though i know not what challenges i'd be facing in future, i know i can trust in Him, no matter what. I am just hoping to grow in my faith, become more mature, rather than still remaining as a spiritual babe!

Someone used the word "staunch" on me. NO. I don't think you can use that to describe me. I'd feel ashamed. But yes, this word is what i'd be working towards. BUT you know, this word gives me creeps. Cos "staunch" sounds more religious - like doing things just for the sake of doing, for the sake of religion, which should not be the case. It is all about relationship with God. Not just merely a human effort in seeking Him.

Someone else used the word "filial" on me. NO. Don't think you can use that to describe me too. Whatever i try to do, i'm just doing what i think every reasonable son / daughter should do. In fact, i'm still not doing a good job. We need to honour our parents. We have to consider their feelings and perspective in every thing that we do. And I am particularly aware of that fine line that I will cross if i don't handle these delicately.

Matthew 5:16 "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." Was just searching for "proselytizing in hospitals" after my church friend (ha erhm i guess im more popular with the aunties still, sigh) cut out news article from "my paper" talking about evangelism in hospitals. (cos evangelising in hospitals yielded no results) Didn't manage to find the article, but came across blogs written by atheists etc. Hmmm realised (wrong word used, cos i sorta know, but gained a better understanding) that there seems to be alot of anger (yes, the comments were really foul and vulgar) triggered off by street evangelists, doctors, teachers etc who talks about their own faith, especially while working. So yes, there is a fine line which we must delicately handle, yes, if not there will only be more repulsion than anything. Definitely i don't think things like after telling a patient you have cancer one moment and then you tell them to consider Christianity the next moment is ethical. This is simply unacceptable and insensitive towards the patient lah!

It takes 2 hands to clap. If only 1 hand is used, it becomes a slap! So if you slap someone, surely that someone will become angry rite? So can understand why they are feeling like this.

One of the things I have learnt in Uganda is that you do not have to say things like this or what to people around you. Matthew 5:16 simply means that we should live a biblical life in every aspect - work, family, play - such that others can see a change / difference in us. NOT trying to "proselytize" in this aspect. And God's ministry will follow you when you do that. YUPS It's all about God, not about us. It is not "us" that converts someone but God is the one.

And it is NOT that we want to convert others that so we live a biblical life! It is all out of love, for God. It is all out of love that He sends Jesus to saves us. The big topic is really, love. It may be out of love for your patients / people around you that you might do silly things like that mentioned above. but i guess, respecting them for what and who they are is a means of love too.

So yups, all along, i try to respect others' beliefs etc so i usually will talk about it when others broach a subject or are really interested. I guess that will continue to be what I am.

Yet, sometimes when i feel that it is the Holy Spirit asking me to speak, then I will. And yes, He speaks through me. He speaks through people. (erhms no this is not getting possessed or what, so ppl, pls dun get the wrong idea and get scared of me haha different different. oops dun wanna yue4 miao2 yue4 hei1. wateva...)

anyway, this post is just a comment... Nth much. hope i really have not offended many people by saying so much. sorry sorry k.

:P

well as you can see, when i try to put all my thoughts quickly down in writing it becomes an unorganised piece of crap like this. haha oh wells. hope i didnt confuse anyone.

bleah.

I can still remember that day. I was helpless. My heart just sank. It just felt terrible, terrible, terrible. When what's up against you are the dearest people around you. I felt trapped. I was heartbroken. I cried. I cried to the Lord...

Today, I listened to this song. Memories of that day came up. Yet, the feeling today... is sweet...

_________________________________________________________________________
Praise You in this Storm
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
___________________________________________________________________

Casting crowns always have a way of touching the chord in my heart...

I reflected upon that day. Today, i can only say... GOD IS FAITHFUL! It is times like this that you render yourself completely to Him, am awed by Him.

And I know there are many out there who has prayed for me. Thank you all.

All throughout these years, God has sent many people to pull me along...

Casting crowns has another song, which fully describes what I am feeling right now. I just want to live a life worthy of Him.

____________________________________________________________________

Lifesong

Empty hands held high
Such small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign Your name to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice
To reach a world in need
To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You

____________________________________________________________________

I know not what lies ahead. This year and beyond. But it is during such times of reflection that one is reminded of the simple fact. God is in control. (And yes, there is another by this title too! Love it! Think i've posted the lyrics before.)

All in all, :P

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Time to give myself a hard knock...

Wake up!

KNOCK 1
I read through my previous posts. Realized how my English has deteriorated, how it has morphed to Singlish, even when i write. Fortunately there are no "General Paper" Exams in University. Given this standard of English I am having now, I will not be surprised that the tutor marking my scrip will not understand what I am writing! Sigh.

KNOCK 2
I desperately need to "wake up my idea" (yes, one of the famous army phrase. Typical Singlish.) I need to really get serious and study harder, study faster! Final Year already! Go off, television! Run away from me, computer games! Mr Sloth, roll into the sea! Mr Smarty, I need you!!!!!

KNOCK 3
Of late, my strabismus is acting up... Spending too much time in front of the computer? Wrong lens? Tired from studying? I better knock that eye back, before it rolls away. Like Master, like eye. Both are lazy.

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!

Amazed

Why are there 4 gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) in the bible? Each of them talks about similar things, yet each of them are different. Shall not go into the details of how each of these are different, but just want to share what I have learnt.

"Gospel" comes from Anglo-Saxon words "god" meaning good and "spell" meaning tidings or history. So all 4 talks about the life of Jesus. Yet all 4 have a different focus.

In Matthew, He is portrayed as the King.
In Mark, He is portrayed as the servant.
In Luke, He is portrayed as the Son of Man, a perfect Man
In John, He is portrayed as the Son of God.

In the same way, the prophets have described Him, before His coming:
King – Psalm 72, Isaiah 9:6-7; 32:1; Jeremiah 23:5; Zechariah 9:9, 14:9
Servant of Jehovah: Isaiah 42:1-7; 52:13-15; 53.
Man, Son of Man: Genesis 3:15, 22:18, Isaiah 7:14-16; 9:6
God: Isaiah 9:6; 40:3-5, 47:4; Jeremiah 23:6

The 4 gospels were written at different times, but different people. Yet, it is amazing how each of them wrote with a different focus of Jesus and non repeating but in the exact same 4 ways He has been described by the prophets. Hmmm coincidence? I don't think so. In mathematical terms, the probability of that is o.25^4, giving us 0.39% chance. Ha still many people will think this is still quite a large probability.

Haha but anyway, just a trivia. Went to search on when the gospels were written. Sieved through many long essays, but managed to find a summary in the end: Matthew about 36; Mark about 40; Luke about 54; John about 93 AD Ha interesting! Other sources mention other years. Anyway, if anyone's interested in reading something about the gospels, go to http://www.ichthus.info/CaseForChrist/01/intro.html its quite a short but interesting read.. for time-pressed people like me!

Ever so amazed by God!

:P

P/S: (anyway, i know of people out there who'd not agree to what i've just written but i have to claim that all these are but my own opinion! No malice intended to anyone!)