I...

I am tired.

I have also learnt, that some things are better left unsaid, that you can only reveal to that inner circle. Those not of the circle, a leak will lead to dire consequences. Just imagine the ova being penetrated – the whole ova is changed. You have double the DNA, double the worries, double the growth. A parable is a parable. Speak in parables. Only those of the circle will be able to understand. Wow.

I am tired.

I knew it could be like this, but I really can’t help but feel frustrated. I didn’t know it could be that frustrating. Sometimes you really hate yourself for being less nimble, less efficient, for always being so indecisive. It seems also, that whatever you learn in school seem to disappear overnight, especially after those 4 unrestful weeks.

I have learnt.

That interpersonal relationships are really not as I thought. That even though you might try your best but it is not enough. In fact you feel inadequate.

I have learnt.

That though I should not really complain, complaining sometimes help you relieve some of that trapped feeling in you. That uncomfortable feeling, that feeling as though you’re out of breath. Complaining does help to relieve that cloud of smoke in your chest.

I love what he said.

“I don’t encourage politicking. Eventually in politics, you have to compromise. Somewhere you have to compromise. I don’t like to compromise.” Yet, “If I see something that will or can affect future generations, if a government policy goes in a direction that can have a detrimental effect on our society, I think it’s important for me as a concerned citizen, perhaps as a pastor too, to stand up and say this is not right.”

I love what He says.

And I want to be listening. Not missing out. Even when its so busy everyday.

I am sweating.

Everyday, the weather is causing me to lose water, to weaken me, to making me tired. I can’t do a procedure without sweating until it drips others’ hand. Sigh.

I am not sweating.

When it always rains just when I want to go to work. Finally got sponsorship to take taxi today (ha!) cos I was really tired and it was really too wet. Yet, once I go to work and the day starts,

I am sweating.

Whenever i try to rush. Whenever i feel slow. Whenever i feel everything is out of control. Whenever i feel frustrated. Whenever they tremble and i miss that red thing.Whenever the phone rings. Whenever i see that someone tried to call me in the middle of the night, for fear I've done something wrong or caused someone to go off.

Perhaps there isn’t a place where I can record things without being scrutinized…

Perhaps…